When we moved to Ohio, I thought my ex-husband and I were going to get remarried. We had discussed it. Within the first 30 days, he had a new girlfriend at his new job. I should have known then that it would be heartache between each other. We stayed in the same house, separate bedrooms, to raise our daughter for the past 10 years as we agreed till she moved out after graduation or go off to college. We both kept that agreement though it was not a wise one in hindsight. We also over the years had talked about sitting on our front porch and holding our grandchildren when we got older. We both now know that dream is over. Our daughter has announced to us that she isn’t going to have any children and she is going to a doctor. In some ways it was my last straw to hang onto my ex-husband. He now has a girlfriend and is dating. It is extremely hard watching him go out the door headed on a date. I can see in the near future that he will move in with his girlfriend. He is acting so different towards me, no longer the “best” friend. We are more like stranger passing in the house, hardly speaking.

I have to prepare myself for that moment when he moves out. It is inevitable as I can no longer live this way. I have to move on with my life now more than ever. Since I have had some physical therapy on my left arm and shoulder, it is slowly strengthening. I was sick with a virus for a little over two weeks, slowed shoulder progress. Being a diabetic stinks when it comes to get a virus, zaps the energy right out of your body and can’t eat. I lost 10 pounds in 8 days. I dropped a whole pants size. Can’t lose too fast cause it will affect my health plus I can’t afford new clothes. I went to the First Care then the Emergency Room at the hospital for breathing treatments. Two doctors had two different diagnosis, pneumonia or asthma. Another health issue I was dealing with was a re-ultrasound to check if the lump in my left breast had increased or decreased within 6 months since the last checkup. I am happy to announce that I am cancer free in my breasts, cyst shrunk. I have also fired my general physician. He tried to send me to a surgeon without talking to me first about his reason. I received papers in the mail from the surgeon with the date and time to be there. I had never heard of that surgeon and thought they mailed them to the wrong person. There are 3 women in my town with my name. My now former physician had ordered a lumpectomy. Little did he know I had copies of the January and July ultrasound reports and a letter from the radiologist saying I was cancer free, no indication of cancer, benign finding. So why would he order a lumpectomy when he only would see me in his office for 10 to 20 SECONDS and charge me $138 a visit? I was sick and tired of his non caring attitude. So I fired him and ordered that the appointment to the surgeon be canceled by him since he ordered it. I will pick up my medical records soon from his office for my new doctor. A new health plex opened with new doctors, both general and gyn, recently in our town. I look forward to having two new doctors. I pray both will care about me as a patient and not as a number and dollar signs. Wish me luck.

In between all this emotional roller coaster I have been looking for a car to buy. My ex-husband had told me my old van was in worse condition than it was. It was going to cost a lot of money to fix. So it has sat since January in front of my house on the street. I saw an acquaintance from church. She is in a wheelchair. I asked her about her old van and how she getting around. She told me her old van was in bad shape and her new boyfriend was trying to get it running again. I told her about my old van not running. She told me that her boyfriend could take a look at it and probably be able to fix it. I told her all the problems that my ex had said was wrong with it. She asked me if I wanted to get rid of it. I told her I didn’t really want to put any more money in the van that she could have it if Henry could get it to run and make it work for her hand gear controls. Henry came over 4 days later and he and my ex worked on getting it started. The noise Henry said he could fix. I told him to tell Jen to call me when he got it to her house. She called and thanked me for my generosity. She called me the next day and told me Henry got everything fixed on the van. I couldn’t hardly believe what I heard was the only 2 things wrongs on the van. My ex husband sure told me wrong. I should have had a mechanic check the van a long time ago. So now, I have been on a mission to get me a economical 4 door sedan. Between visiting dealerships, car lots and looking on the internet, my head is spinning with trying to make a decision. My bank has approved me for a huge amount at great interest rate for 60 months. I don’t want to go over my set budget amount per month and how long the loan will be in case my ex moves out. I don’t want to be financially strapped anymore than I am. One day I will be moving myself. Anyway, I will keep you posted when I find the “right” car. Please hang in there with me as I continue to make major changes in my life.