I have been doing more self analysis about my life and what I can do to change things about myself, my attitude and life in general. There are days when I try to talk to my youngest daughter and she is still disrespectful to me. Also dealing with my ex and his situation. So I have started a plan of working more on myself and letting the chips fall where they may with my adult children and my ex. I can only pray for them. I can not change them. The only person that I can change is ME.

Like the Serenity Prayer says “God Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change…. Courage to change the things I can… and Wisdom to know the difference.” That is a tall order for me to obey, however if I focus on taking care of myself more, I will succeed. I am not trying to be selfish. I have always been a very caring person who has worn her heart on her shelve. People tend to take advantage of people like me. I have wised up though as I have gotten older.

I know I need to get my priorities right. My health is at the top of my list. Making up meal planning list is hard for me to stay on track. Seems something comes up and there goes the plan. Having a family member who works in the restaurant industry and has various days off each week makes it difficult to stay on track. I will keep working on eating the right foods. My tendency to “reward” myself with a sugary or high carbohydrate food too often for making small milestones in my life. I know this is wrong to do. Even eating too much sugar free foods which is not low caloric has its consequences. So making the major change in my eating habit I have to start with by eating smaller portions 6 times a day. Checking my blood sugar before breakfast, before lunch, before dinner and before bed, that is per my doctor’s orders. My morning blood sugar was 98 today. YEAH!!

The next step is scheduling my exercise. After talking to my dear friend Betty, she told me that her daughter, Christy, ran 12 miles the other day. Christy has run in marathons and walks for different causes and research for cures. I know I will never be a marathon runner, but I can get out and go walk somewhere. My problem is the only place in the winter months to walk is in the mall which gets crowded. I am not able to afford a membership yet to a fitness club on my disability check. However I saw in an ad an exercise equipment called a recumbent bike that was very reasonable of $149. I have seen past ads for over $500. I used one of these to get more mobility in my knee after I broke my leg at the physical therapy center and remembered how well I felt after using one. So this is what I want for Christmas but early so I don’t delay in getting started.

I will continue to work on my plan and staying focused on myself and what I need to do to be more positive and loving towards myself. My readers and friends are the ones that offer me encouragement. Praying to God to help me with my self esteem.