Over the past few days, I have been experiencing lots of back pain from the stenosis in my lower lumbar region of my spine and having to take painkillers because regular non-aspirin or Naproxin Sodium is not working to reduce the pain. The unfortunate thing is the painkillers make me irritable and drowsy. I have had to sleep on the couch because my waterbed mattress has two leaks for over a week. We have located one of the leaks and put a patch over the small hole. If we could only find the other leak, then we can fill the mattress up the rest of the way. Getting the water heated so my arthritis does not hurt as much.

Being in pain in my lower back and having to take painkillers plus getting someone to help me lift the heavy mattress to check for more leaks has caused me to feel very depressed. I seem to always be the one helping them when they need help, but when I need help all I get is mumbling and negative remarks. This adds more to my depression. I try so hard to be a good Christian and serve the Lord by helping others. There are times I feel that because I am a Christian that people especially family members think I am a doormat to walk on and hurt my feelings and I am not to say a word to them about my feelings or how I am feeling physically or mentally.

Having a Bi-Polar disorder is not easy to live with. I am on medication and feel I have done better for longer periods of time. However, when certain situation arise and negativity is around me, it puts me in a tail spin of depression. I just wish my family members were more understanding and more cooperative.